Third Arm’s the Charm

PostADay2011 spasmodically suggests freakish topics that I’ll generally avoid writing about, but the matter of what one can/would do with a third arm intrigued me so greatly that I’ve chosen to embark on scribbling a few of my thoughts. Let me first begin with where one should not position a third arm.

Impulsively, many might think placing their third arm below their weakest side (either the right or left) might aid that side in, say, picking up more weight. They might also believe that hiding this aesthetically unpleasing appendage would be easier below one of their arms. Neither functionally nor aesthetically will such a placement suffice. With two arms above one another, one would be forced to use double the deodorant—between both arms and within one’s armpit. Also, there would be no symytry to this placement.

Others may assume the extreme placement of a third arm on one’s legs would assist in gathering items from the floor or in avoiding potentially dangerous cracks in the ground. Artistically, this arrangement is at best abstract and at worst, hideous. Practically, one could avoid overuse of his back with an arm attached to his legs, but this is not worth being deemed a monster for an entire life.

With some developed thinking, most people would place it where I’d place the bonus arm; the only area one could most serviceably use and stylistically enjoy a third arm is on one’s chest. I know, I know. Many would ask, “What about when you enjoy the beach?” To which I’d simply respond, “Keep your shirt on!” This is a microscopic price to pay for the unending possibilities of an auxiallary arm on one’s chest! Imagine: no one would know, since you can effortlessly conceal your treasure within the warmth of your breast. Additionally, in carrying heavy loads, you’d seem like the world’s most dynamic strong man! Finally, this location is absolutely romantic, as one would be able to hug his beloved in many unique ways.

Please, when given this rare and great opportunity, choose the most suitable and proper placement of the chest.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s