Top Three Reasons Why Top Three Lists are Lame

There you are before a powerful motivational speaker, moved beyond the brink of tears to the brink of passing gas. She’s convinced you that dull living is for sore losers and losers hardly ever recover (unless your only friends are dull losers). Hope emerges when she elaborates on how she moved from a lackluster life to glossy greatness. Finally, she ends with a top three (or any other number) list of steps toward a more fulfilling–or should I say “attractive”– life.

Top three lists have their place in society, but often times they’re as overused as a public toilet. Here are my specially formulated reasons why  TOP THREE  lists are moronic.

1 – Most people have the memory of a metal rod. Even when meticulously note-taking, the only types that would actually memorize a list are the same types that organize their sock draw and wear pocket-protectors: over-achievers. Steer clear, masses.

2 – I don’t know any child who leaps with unselfish joy when given a list of chores. Top five lists will slap one in the face as an inordinate to-do list, evoking in an adult the dislike toward lists that began as a child.

3 – Just get it out. Lists are usually designed to drive a position or opinion home. With so few free minutes in the day, people yearn for breakneck nuggets of reason. State your view and be done with it, lest the crowd throws fruit at your gorgeous features.

Before you jump to nasty conclusions about me, know that I too have used, am using and will forever use top (whatever number) lists. They’re actually brilliant.


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